This week in class, while showing pictures of my family and explaining who is who, I committed a minor verbal fop a. While explaining the various rogue shrubs that make up our fun family tree (ie my brother having 2 children from 2 different women) a roar of laughter ensued after telling them the name of my nephew…Josh. Checked my zipper to see if that was the cause of commotion…nope, barn door closed. So I said the name again…Jooooosh!
They loved it! Again! Josssssssssssh!!!! Again! Joooooooooooossssssh!!!!
Yea! I was cool! I was loved! I was hip!
Unfortunately I was also saying “fried poop” in Chinese. However no one told me this until my last class and I had already dragged my nephews name in the mud while providing a hysterical memory for 400 students. .
Who’d of guessed that the oh-so-common biblical name of Josh, in all its purity, would translate to the only thing that I’ve found Chinese people don’t eat…fried poop.
Sorry Josh. Oh, and if you ever plan on visiting...your name is Bob.
-D.T Willy
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Hospital Junkie
Two weeks I taught my students the very important (and case appropriate) English saying, when it rains, it pours. Why? Cause April 7th—11th was a virtual train wreck for me. Hence I have been MIA on the blog updates…naughty T. Willy.
In a nutshell, I should have just locked myself in my bathroom for 7 days and huffed sewage fumes…it would have been easier on my health.
Friday:
Bike to Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital for acupuncture treatment of my cold/sinus infection. I got stuck 20 needles from eyebrow to ankle to ‘reset my energy.’ It about reset more then just my energy when they stuck a needle an inch and half deep under my jaw in my throat. The next 45 minutes was the locals favorite show…Watch the Squirmy American.
Saturday:
Return to the Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital for acupuncture on my knee. A glutton for pain I may be, but a crack addict for it, I’m not. This time I refused needles in the greater facial region. They did however jimmy the needles up to electric currents to make my leg twitch and dance. Let the squirming commence.
Sunday:
While fluttering about the soccer field during a match, I went up for a headball. Good challenge. Bad result. I got less ball and more head, collided with 2 players, and busted my paintbrush-esque eyebrow open. It is amazing that when Chinese people really need to know their English, they pull it out well. Over at the bench during half time, my teammates looked at me and repeated over and over---'rospital, roctor, rospital, roctor, rospital, roctor..' The ol 'hospital doctor' chinglish combo. And why not? I'd hadn’t been to one in the past 24 hours. This time I patroned a less traditional yet more ghetto hospital. I paid 25 bucks to have some shaky handed and nervous optometrist sew 4 stitches over my right eye. 2 inches higher and I could have been Harry Potter.
Monday:
While running into a supermarket for 5 minutes to buy antibiotics for my new face wound, my (locked up) bicycle gets stolen. Flip off everyone in site. Friggin difficult to run errands when you’re only option is to walk.
Tuesday:
The left version of my nice dress shoes spontaneously explodes in the middle of giving a lecture to 50 students. Laughter erupts and chaos ensues.
That night my jaw becomes sore….1st sign of tetanus, yet more importantly it made stuffing food into my trap difficult. Think back to the rusty fish hook the doctor used to sew up my noggin on Sunday. Reside to the fact its time for a tetanus shot when my whistling sounds more like a hum. Make my fourth and final appearance at yet another hospital within 5 days. No pleasantries at this one. Pay up…drop drawers…shot in the ass…grip chair in pain…ignore nurses giggles about the foreign guys hairy tush.
What a week. A hospital pub crawl if you will. Yet the 2 weeks following this….muuuuch better. I’ll relay the juice when my fingers aren’t cramping. Toodles.
---D.T. Willy
In a nutshell, I should have just locked myself in my bathroom for 7 days and huffed sewage fumes…it would have been easier on my health.
Friday:
Bike to Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital for acupuncture treatment of my cold/sinus infection. I got stuck 20 needles from eyebrow to ankle to ‘reset my energy.’ It about reset more then just my energy when they stuck a needle an inch and half deep under my jaw in my throat. The next 45 minutes was the locals favorite show…Watch the Squirmy American.
Saturday:
Return to the Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital for acupuncture on my knee. A glutton for pain I may be, but a crack addict for it, I’m not. This time I refused needles in the greater facial region. They did however jimmy the needles up to electric currents to make my leg twitch and dance. Let the squirming commence.
Sunday:
While fluttering about the soccer field during a match, I went up for a headball. Good challenge. Bad result. I got less ball and more head, collided with 2 players, and busted my paintbrush-esque eyebrow open. It is amazing that when Chinese people really need to know their English, they pull it out well. Over at the bench during half time, my teammates looked at me and repeated over and over---'rospital, roctor, rospital, roctor, rospital, roctor..' The ol 'hospital doctor' chinglish combo. And why not? I'd hadn’t been to one in the past 24 hours. This time I patroned a less traditional yet more ghetto hospital. I paid 25 bucks to have some shaky handed and nervous optometrist sew 4 stitches over my right eye. 2 inches higher and I could have been Harry Potter.
Monday:
While running into a supermarket for 5 minutes to buy antibiotics for my new face wound, my (locked up) bicycle gets stolen. Flip off everyone in site. Friggin difficult to run errands when you’re only option is to walk.
Tuesday:
The left version of my nice dress shoes spontaneously explodes in the middle of giving a lecture to 50 students. Laughter erupts and chaos ensues.
That night my jaw becomes sore….1st sign of tetanus, yet more importantly it made stuffing food into my trap difficult. Think back to the rusty fish hook the doctor used to sew up my noggin on Sunday. Reside to the fact its time for a tetanus shot when my whistling sounds more like a hum. Make my fourth and final appearance at yet another hospital within 5 days. No pleasantries at this one. Pay up…drop drawers…shot in the ass…grip chair in pain…ignore nurses giggles about the foreign guys hairy tush.
What a week. A hospital pub crawl if you will. Yet the 2 weeks following this….muuuuch better. I’ll relay the juice when my fingers aren’t cramping. Toodles.
---D.T. Willy
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
English Music 101
So recently, other than battling an air pollution induced sinus infection and morning bouts of lung butter, things be dandy.
Last week I was teaching my kids about Western music and the various genres...using the ‘ol Ipod and speakers.
Monday morning was showtime. I turned the classroom lights off, had them close their eyes, and sit on their hands. I then played the most seductive, sexy, undress-me-with-your-voice, song I knew…Marvin Gaye, "Let’s get it on." The kids who understood what was happening were easy to spot…they began fidgeting with themselves.
I then threw on Dueling Banjos, with a side order of Rocky Top. I was in the middle of my knee slapping and YeeeHaaaw’n, when one child raised his hand and asked what was wrong with me. Nothing. Nothings wrong. Just a combination of happy pants and a nervous tick.
My hopes are to create the first Chinese redneck. The idea of inspiring Chinese white trash got flushed down the toilet…folks round here are lacking that extra crunchy crackerness that’s needed.
So I continued through various genres of music, playing a short clip, providing a bit of explanation, and dancing around the room according to the audio inspiration…basically like a crazed man.
Man its fun to play teacher.
I threw on some Hanson, and then had to back peddle out of it when I couldn’t fully explain what the hell “Mmmm Bop” meant. Kind of like how I can’t fully explain to you how it ended up on my Ipod in the first place. Oops.
I put on Eminem…they were bobbing their heads. I put on some Enya…they were scratching their heads.
Metallica had them grabbing their ears. Michael Jackson had them grabbing their crotches.
It was quite a week of classes.
Since the classes I’m teaching are Oral English, I decided to spend the last 40 minutes having students choose one song, listen to it, and write down the lyrics….then we all sing the song together. Fun, right? Good times, right?
F that.
When it came time to choose a song to do this with, every student in every class just happened to pick the same one…Backstreet Boys, I Want It That Way.
Oh. My. God.
Having twelve classes in four days, with 500 students just about made me lose it.
What started as a good idea ended with me (still) going to sleep and waking up everyday with that friggin song in my head. You should try it. If you don’t have the Backstreet Boys on CD, you could just pour some boiling, rancid goat’s milk into your ear for a similar effect.
It really was like some foul frat prank…on repeat.
Next week, no music. Maybe more Mad Libs like I used last week. It’s always funny to hear your students stand up and read about their “naked kittens” and “happy hemorrhoids.”
Ok. So how about this? If you were to teach a class about anything to English studying Chinese students, what would you do? Nothing to technical…some of these kids English skills are about as primitive as a dog’s daily nut licking.
Think simple. Think shiny. Then email it to me. I’ll let ya know how it goes over…or under if it tanks.
---DT Willy
Last week I was teaching my kids about Western music and the various genres...using the ‘ol Ipod and speakers.
Monday morning was showtime. I turned the classroom lights off, had them close their eyes, and sit on their hands. I then played the most seductive, sexy, undress-me-with-your-voice, song I knew…Marvin Gaye, "Let’s get it on." The kids who understood what was happening were easy to spot…they began fidgeting with themselves.
I then threw on Dueling Banjos, with a side order of Rocky Top. I was in the middle of my knee slapping and YeeeHaaaw’n, when one child raised his hand and asked what was wrong with me. Nothing. Nothings wrong. Just a combination of happy pants and a nervous tick.
My hopes are to create the first Chinese redneck. The idea of inspiring Chinese white trash got flushed down the toilet…folks round here are lacking that extra crunchy crackerness that’s needed.
So I continued through various genres of music, playing a short clip, providing a bit of explanation, and dancing around the room according to the audio inspiration…basically like a crazed man.
Man its fun to play teacher.
I threw on some Hanson, and then had to back peddle out of it when I couldn’t fully explain what the hell “Mmmm Bop” meant. Kind of like how I can’t fully explain to you how it ended up on my Ipod in the first place. Oops.
I put on Eminem…they were bobbing their heads. I put on some Enya…they were scratching their heads.
Metallica had them grabbing their ears. Michael Jackson had them grabbing their crotches.
It was quite a week of classes.
Since the classes I’m teaching are Oral English, I decided to spend the last 40 minutes having students choose one song, listen to it, and write down the lyrics….then we all sing the song together. Fun, right? Good times, right?
F that.
When it came time to choose a song to do this with, every student in every class just happened to pick the same one…Backstreet Boys, I Want It That Way.
Oh. My. God.
Having twelve classes in four days, with 500 students just about made me lose it.
What started as a good idea ended with me (still) going to sleep and waking up everyday with that friggin song in my head. You should try it. If you don’t have the Backstreet Boys on CD, you could just pour some boiling, rancid goat’s milk into your ear for a similar effect.
It really was like some foul frat prank…on repeat.
Next week, no music. Maybe more Mad Libs like I used last week. It’s always funny to hear your students stand up and read about their “naked kittens” and “happy hemorrhoids.”
Ok. So how about this? If you were to teach a class about anything to English studying Chinese students, what would you do? Nothing to technical…some of these kids English skills are about as primitive as a dog’s daily nut licking.
Think simple. Think shiny. Then email it to me. I’ll let ya know how it goes over…or under if it tanks.
---DT Willy
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