Hospital Junkie

Two weeks I taught my students the very important (and case appropriate) English saying, when it rains, it pours. Why? Cause April 7th—11th was a virtual train wreck for me. Hence I have been MIA on the blog updates…naughty T. Willy.
In a nutshell, I should have just locked myself in my bathroom for 7 days and huffed sewage fumes…it would have been easier on my health.
Friday:
Bike to Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital for acupuncture treatment of my cold/sinus infection. I got stuck 20 needles from eyebrow to ankle to ‘reset my energy.’ It about reset more then just my energy when they stuck a needle an inch and half deep under my jaw in my throat. The next 45 minutes was the locals favorite show…Watch the Squirmy American.
Saturday:
Return to the Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital for acupuncture on my knee. A glutton for pain I may be, but a crack addict for it, I’m not. This time I refused needles in the greater facial region. They did however jimmy the needles up to electric currents to make my leg twitch and dance. Let the squirming commence.
Sunday:
While fluttering about the soccer field during a match, I went up for a headball. Good challenge. Bad result. I got less ball and more head, collided with 2 players, and busted my paintbrush-esque eyebrow open. It is amazing that when Chinese people really need to know their English, they pull it out well. Over at the bench during half time, my teammates looked at me and repeated over and over---'rospital, roctor, rospital, roctor, rospital, roctor..' The ol 'hospital doctor' chinglish combo. And why not? I'd hadn’t been to one in the past 24 hours. This time I patroned a less traditional yet more ghetto hospital. I paid 25 bucks to have some shaky handed and nervous optometrist sew 4 stitches over my right eye. 2 inches higher and I could have been Harry Potter.
Monday:
While running into a supermarket for 5 minutes to buy antibiotics for my new face wound, my (locked up) bicycle gets stolen. Flip off everyone in site. Friggin difficult to run errands when you’re only option is to walk.
Tuesday:
The left version of my nice dress shoes spontaneously explodes in the middle of giving a lecture to 50 students. Laughter erupts and chaos ensues.
That night my jaw becomes sore….1st sign of tetanus, yet more importantly it made stuffing food into my trap difficult. Think back to the rusty fish hook the doctor used to sew up my noggin on Sunday. Reside to the fact its time for a tetanus shot when my whistling sounds more like a hum. Make my fourth and final appearance at yet another hospital within 5 days. No pleasantries at this one. Pay up…drop drawers…shot in the ass…grip chair in pain…ignore nurses giggles about the foreign guys hairy tush.

What a week. A hospital pub crawl if you will. Yet the 2 weeks following this….muuuuch better. I’ll relay the juice when my fingers aren’t cramping. Toodles.

---D.T. Willy