Booty Jammin on Mt. Stairmaster

After the prior weekends feeling of filth and unholyness from the tainted hands of my massage-ositute, I decided to flee like a baby bird to an area of peace and clarity. I journeyed to the holiest of mountains in all of China...Mount Tai Shan. Only a 2 hour bus ride away, at 1545 meters tall, its not quite a towering beast. However it is the only mountain I've ever climbed that has stairs from top to bottom. Not just a few stairs. Thousands. To be more exact- 6660 stone stairs. And no I didn't count.
Its also noteworthy because it's the most climbed mountain in all the world. And not just by whippersnappers, but by lil 'ol grandmas. These 70+ year old firecrackers dropped one foot in front of the other, hunched over their canes, and giggled at the small white boy that was passed out in the ditch.
Legend has it that if you climb Mt Tai Shan you will live to be 100. Legend also has it that the earth's core is made of vanilla pudding. I'm not quite sold on these 'legends' yet.
All along the hike are Taoist temples. So if breathing wasnt a problem in the first place, they light incense all along the way to inhale. Damn burning scented sticks adds to the ambiance but makes breathing that much more of a task. There were also many historical markers and signs posted along the way to explain the deep cultural and historical importance of the places we were walking by....aaaaand they were all in Chinese. I bet they were very intersting though.
Guiding me through all of this were two of my students. I was curious to why they were so excited when I showed up with a big backpack. That is until they dumped all the food, water, and their boxes of sugar milk into it for me to haul up. No problem kids. What are teachers for? Carry your luggage and drop your grade...thats what.
It took us just shy of 5 hours to summit. At the bottom it was lets-fly-a-kite in a sweater weather. At the top it was frozen boogies and thermal undie love. Cold as hell with a windchill I've never felt in my bones before...and thats with me wearing 6 layers and a stained, rented Chinese army overcoat.
We stayed at the top in a humble hotel (humble = ghetto poo palace). The place needed some minor touchups on the ceiling from where the mold was chewing through and they skimped on the heat at night so visitors could have the authentic antarctic experience of watching your breath freeze around the edge of your blanket while you sleep.
The next morning we were aroused at 6am by one of the worker bees at the hotel. Sunrise time, yea! At this point I could have really used a Waffle House.
So we saw the sunrise from the starting point of where ancient chinese thought the sun made its westward journey. Sweet. Its a good bet that they weren't as cranky as I was at 6 in the morning. Friggin cold mr bigglesworth.
That early in the morning the views were fantastic...that is for about 3 hours until the pollution settled again and put the haze to it all. Brown skies are soooo much cooler than blue anyways. Hell. What do I have to worry about healthy air now? I'm supposed to live to 100...or at least legend has it.

T. Willy